Break free from Unhealthy Relationships in a Healthy Way
Romantic relationships that are or have turned toxic are often tied to a psychological process called idealization. ... One study found that being in a negative relationship puts people at a higher risk of developing heart problems (such as a fatal heart attack) than those in healthy relationships.
“An unhappy marriage chronically feels bad. It's like a cold that lingers, leaving you drained and vulnerable,” explains Paul Hokemeyer, J.D., Ph. D.
Being unhappy in your marriage/relationship can wear you down and can affect your mental health. Interacting with your partner may make you feel anxious and depressed, which may, in turn, lead to poor decisions. Anxious thoughts may disrupt your sleeping patterns because you are unable to calm down at night. Unhappy marriage/relationship can also lead to physical problems like a weakened immune system, increased blood pressure and poor sleep. Mentally it can disrupt cognition, memory, and decision-making.
It can even increase your risk of dementia and Alzheimer’s. Being away from unhappy marriage/relationship sometimes is the best decision for many people, even for the health and wellness of children.
Breakup/Separation/Divorce is a process that's extremely tough from start to finish, and one can still feel emotional weeks, months, and even years after the event. The residual anger, hurt, confusion, depression, and even self-blame don't just disappear easily even when everything is finalised.
Feelings of regret can occur for a number of reasons. Here are a few: Maybe you had expectations for what marriage/relationship would be like based on what your parents’ marriage was like, based on what you saw in the media, etc…. Perhaps you've realised you and your partner don't share common interests, goals and visions.
A partner’s behaviour can also change and become violent both in words and actions impacting not only your life but also the lives of others (for example children education, mental health etc).
The most commonly reported major contributors to breakup/separation/divorce are lack of commitment, infidelity and conflict/arguing. The most common “final straw” reasons were infidelity, domestic violence, and substance use. More participants blamed their partners than themselves.
Being in a healthy relationship with someone is supposed to excite you and make you feel happy when you think about the life together. If however you feel more at peace and a sense of wellness at the prospect of being free of your partner for the rest of your life, then it might be time to leave.
It is possible to identify unhappy relationships, here are some examples: There's constant criticism. Constant criticism is an indication that feelings of love and warmth for each other are being replaced by judgment. "Criticism or name-calling is a huge boundary violation" You struggle to spend time together.
Being around each other may feel like a chore, or extremely forced. Without the sense of intimacy that was once there, you may feel like you have nothing to say and also don't really care what they have to say. You stop sharing wins with each other.
When something exciting happens, who's the first one you call? If it was once your spouse and now it's a friend or family member, that's a sign your marriage has taken a hit. There isn't much motivation to connect or share anything. You’re both defensive. Constant Defensiveness is a sure sign that the two of you aren't communicating well, going hand in hand with the constant criticism. Simple statements or questions can also be met with backlash. You avoid each other, as much as you can.
Avoiding each other is also a relatively obvious sign things aren't going well. You'll likely make separate plans and have no motivation to spend time together all of which point to an unhappy marriage/relationship.
You daydream about leaving. It's entirely possible that fantasies of leaving or being single will start to pop up in your mind. You're becoming aware of the issues you are facing and how the relationship makes you feel, and it's inevitably causing you to think of the other possibilities.
There's an anxious versus avoidant attachment dynamic. In these scenarios, there's often a cycle of one pursuing and the other withdrawing, only to cause more subsequent pursuing and withdrawing.
You feel more yourself when separate. In an unhappy relationship, you'll feel more yourself when they're not around and may even dislike who you are around them. You stop arguing. You are not willing to work through things anymore, arguing isn't great, obviously, but at least it means you're still fighting for something. "Losing motivation to work through things with each other is a really bad sign." There's no understanding or compassion.
Blame, judgment, and shaming will often take front stage in an unhappy relationship, leaving little to no room for understanding or compassion. No one is willing to give the other the benefit of the doubt, a supportive gesture, or even just a loving tone of voice. Body language changes. You and your spouse may always angle yourselves away from each other, even when speaking. It feels physically wrong being together.
Being in each other's presence is no longer warm and joyful and instead likely feels cold, awkward, and uncomfortable. This may actually show up in certain body language but it can also simply be an overwhelming feeling that you don't want to be physically near each other. You stonewall each other. It essentially involves someone shutting down, particularly during conflict. They might walk away or simply surrender to make the conflict go away and be left alone. Stonewalling shows an unwillingness to improve the relationship.
Just as breaking out of a toxic relationship is difficult, surviving once you're in a new, single world is hard too and you should prepare for the challenges leaving will bring. You will have to learn how to be happy again, how to trust yourself, how to let go and how to reconstruct a new and happier life.
Leaving the toxic and unhealthy relationships will allow you to make room for healthy and loving relationships
Contact me to help you build a better and more fulfilling life.